MOTHER'S DAY

Feeling LuCKy to have this kid in my life... I just had a hint of nostalgia -when I was little and had my Mom all to myself (I was the youngest). I know more and more that I am going to miss these moments when these 'crazy' boys are grown and 'too cool' for me.

W O W. (ever notice that's mom upside-down?)

Sometimes at night after I get the boys down I am impressed at how much I can get done in such a short period of time. This is on the RARE occasion that I have a burst of energy after 8pm. Usually I am spent. Drained. Wrung-out... And then I just want to turn to food to make it all better, but it really doesn't - it just turns to self-loathing...*But that is a totally different topic, but thankfully one that I am finally facing*...

Burst of energy. right.

It hits, but I don't know if it's a good thing, because then I want to stay up into the wee hours of the morning, getting stuff done.

A dilemma of motherhood I suppose.

I need a burst of energy tonight because I'd still like to:

finish getting the Tree (Chrismas) put away, vacuum, prepare for a meeting tomorrow, and 'put the house to bed.' I did tackle the laundry room and cleaned out the boys' drawers & closet this evening. Which is pretty monumental in an of itself. The PILES!! I did make a mental note to try to get two uses out of each of the boys' articles of clothing before washing. To at least check if something can be worn again.

Lately I have been questioning whether or not I can really handle these BOYS. They seem to be getting crazier by the day and their energy, um, hyper-ness, is never ending. I really do utter the words "how?" often. and maybe a few other things. Sometimes I think, "Am I seriously dealing with this right now? or "Is this normal!?" And sometimes I think they're going to kill each other. TWICE tonight Wyatt got decked in the head w/ a large, hard plastic train (once by each brother) -1st in the back of the head, then in the face -it got his eye pretty bad. :( (see below) And it's hard to spank them because they just laugh, (they LAUGH!?!) so I find myself yelling and that doesn't do anything except make me feel out of control and mad at myself. *a little help here.* And I'm in panic mode because Jess is going out of town for a good amount of time and I already feel like he should be coming home from a long trip & I'm at the end of my rope... I've been trying to prepare mentally, but it's been hard. It'll be okay though. It always works out. I've always just been in a better place before he leaves! Does anyone else want to give me their sob story about being a single parent 90% of the time so I don't wallow in self-pity, please?! Please?

Here's a pic of Wyatt's eye:

On a happy note - I have been taking care of myself for the last 10 days and it feels great. One of the biggest changes I've made is to CONSCIOUSLY drink at least 64oz of water a day -This comes out to 4 glassfuls (I have a certain cup). It's do-able!! And I can't believe I've been depriving myself for so long. I was bad about getting water down-or any liquids for that matter. And the crazy thing is, now that I've been drinking more water I find I am actually thirstier. (I remember this from when I ran CC in HS and was good at staying hydrated) Anyway. My skin feels AWESOME.

And I've re-discovered my down-booties. My feet are happy. And toasty. And that makes my husband happy, because then he doesn't feel my icicle toes on his legs when we go to bed.

W O W. Nearly two whole days w/out a post from my little fingers. :) I have been keeping busy, and busy is good...

Yesterday I worked on a proposal (work is always good in these times & it's gonna be a fun one!) And I discovered how FUN Facebook is!!! I love getting in contact w/ people I haven't seen in years! Very cool....I just don't like how it tells you every little thing your 'friends' have done or commented on or their friends have commented on...that's weird.

Last night I went to Jen's house...Jess is w/ her husband, John, down in Baja... We thought we'd get our boys together (she only has 5) for some dinner and a little Family Home Evening lesson...
EIGHT boys, and one sweet little baby girl. :) It was fun. I could not get a smile off my face watching all those boys have the time of their lives...Jen's backyard/driveway is AWESOME for riding bikes, and yup, we brought ours! (Even little Wyatt's) I was dying for my camera!!! We made spaghetti, salad & garlic bread which only took about 2 minutes (after we sat down of course, in the other room) to be thrown EVERYWHERE...thanks to my Wyatt for starting it, and McKay having to follow... :) They had a great time, I had a great time, and we 'kinda' had a lesson...I don't think we could've expected much more out of them...it was late -Brock was OUT before we hit the end of their driveway. :)

This morning a 'jam session' was held here - w/ my new-found friend, Michelle, and Ryan ended up joining in. We were able to harmonize on a couple songs I learned and we each played some of our favorites...it was SO MUCH FUN for me.

This afternoon I had a scare...I gave the boys popcicles and off Brock and Wyatt went outside to eat them. The next thing I know (5 min. later) I hear a man's voice (whose I recognize) and I look out back and there he is holding Wyatt, and Brock is with him...The boys had gotten out our back gate, and headed down the alley to a VERY BUSY STREET, and this man (my angel) saw them and stopped, recognized the rugrats, and brought them safely back. My heart stopped beating and my stomach lurched realizing what could have happened. I was so incredibly grateful that he had been driving by, and also felt like the most irresponsible, worst, (anything negative you can say) parent and incredibly embarrassed. He was so sweet to me, but told me, very father-like, to get a lock on that gate...which there now is. After he left, I dropped to my knees and said a repentant prayer, and one of deep gratitude. SCARY. I am still unsettled about it. Tonight when Wyatt was being a little stinker about going to bed, I just scooped him up and held him tight- thankful that I had him to hold tight...knowing that I could have been in a very different situation. blah! Makes me sick...

Tonight I had every intention of going to bed early (Heaven knows I needed to). But then I picked up Jess's guitar and found myself singing love songs into the computer...

This one is dedicated to my husband...

(Ingrid Michaelson cover..."The Way I Am")


I miss him.

Young Love, Mature Love

I came upon this pretty sweet picture of Jess and me at the top of Half Dome in Yosemite
and it got me thinking about life B.C....Before Children. It kinda made my head hurt,
because I had to dig, and dig to the back recesses of my mind to remember those days...
and we had YEARS...nearly 4, before the kiddos came along (in full force I might add). Funny how that happens. But this picture helps me remember. Life was was exciting, fun, somewhat carefree yet still busy, and... not as FULL. (I almost put empty)... Sometimes I look at couples w/out children and think -'Oh, those were the days...' but then something quietly whispers a reminder of the wealth I have acquired over the years. Who knew a heart could be so BIG, so full, so devoted...That it could swell to such a capacity? A mother's love is fierce, and I'm grateful to feel it running through my very being. Children bring an 'abundance' to my life, and I know I need to enjoy each and every step along the way, and keep that 'young love' flourishing!

Mothering...

Jess & I spoke in Church this past Sunday. It was a nerve wracking experience, but I am so grateful we had that opportunity because I learned so much, and now have much to study and ponder. A scripture & quote I read in part of my talk has kept playing over and over in my mind...helping me to stay calm and go about things a bit differently as a mother...(I know an answer to my prayers)
D&C 121
41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;
42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—
43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy.

The quote I keep thinking about is by Elder Nelson: “Do not try to control your children. Instead, listen to them, help them to learn the gospel, inspire them, and lead them toward eternal life. You are God’s agents in the care of children He has entrusted to you. Let His divine influence remain in your hearts as you teach and persuade.” (beautiful)
LISTEN, INSPIRE, LEAD, PERSUADE.

Yesterday, after I picked the boys up from school we were pulling into the driveway and I said -"Okay boys, I need to get a few things together and then we're going to go to the Club! (gym) Bodie immediately started brooding and barked: "NO! I don't WANT to go to the club!" (huff) The impression to persuade and not control came into my mind...
"Bodie," I calmly said, "Momma loves going to the club, it makes me happy, and I'd really like to go to my class. Please support me in this." Bodie's whole demenor changed. His voice was sweet as he said, "Sure, Mom!"
I thought of how differently that could have gone - If I had retorted back, "Well too bad, we're going!" (basically saying I don't care about your feelings) It would have been a power struggle. It would have been a fight...

Dad is out of town for the weekend, and I am kickin' with my home boys. Like always, there is always some sort of 'excitement' meaning...never a dull moment. Really, I wouldn't have it any other way. But really, it is doing a number on my hair color.


So, I have been very conscious of my tone of voice w/ my kiddos. And last night I realized that until then, I truly only have raised my voice at my kids...Yep. Until then. Until this happened...

I came into the room, and there was Bodie with a Steak knife.
(onesided conversation went like this:)
Mom: Woah, Bodie, what are you doing with...*eyes travel to the sofa, H U G E gasp, hands cover the mouth, stare in horror for 10 seconds, grab knife from child's hands*
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? (yelling) YOU DO NOT TOUCH THIS KNIFE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS? (like he could give me an answer) GO TO YOUR ROOM. NOW! (so I don't hurt you) -*proceed to take deep breaths and pace the floor, then assess the damage.*

(Not that these pictures do it justice! There are 20+ stabs in the cushion on the right, and scratch marks, with random stabs in the other cushions and sofa)
Wow. What could I do? I called Marilyn who was able to talk me through it. It is just a couch after all. Now typing this, it is amazing to think how upset I was...Over a couch...one that will soon have stiches. Big deal. I got off the phone and was able to talk calmly with Bodie about how important it is to not play with knives, (he got it out to open up a snack bag of crackers) that only grown ups use them, and that we need to treat our furniture nicely. (I feel an FHE coming on). And then I loaded Brock &Wyatt in the double jogger, Bodie road his bike, and we took off to let out some steam. Needed that still. :)

Today we brought the 'chariot' out and rode to the 'dips'. Bodie showed me all his cool new jumps and Wyatt and Brock had a fun time running around and watching. I was impressed and a little nervous when he asked me if he could do one of the 'big' ones. I still said yes - hoping he wouldn't break an arm or something - but he was cautious and careful, just riding to the bottom. I tried helping him back up the hill (he was pushing his bike back up) and he adamantly said No, he wanted to do it himself. geez.

Later, the boys were playing across the street w/ the neighbors' little granddaughter in the front yard and I went over to chat. It ended up being a really nice evening. We sat out in the driveway and talked politics and whatever else came up. Bruschetta & cheese was brought out, I cut up some watermellon, & we sipped lemonade while the kids rode their bikes and played. The weather was perfect.

The sun finally set, so we went in for baths. Somehow the boys got their clothes in the water and started throwing them around...I have never seen so much water on the floor- and that is saying a lot!!! It took 4 large towels to sop up the water -they were all dripping wet. Crazy kids.

The water is never calm at bath time. And seriously, I have NEVER seen bath water THAT dirty before. Gross!


I wish I could've had our bedtime conversation captured on a voice recorder or video... Oh man, Brock is a story teller! -His little voice and face are so animated. He gets so excited - there are a lot of "ya's" and jumbles of the tongue. He and Bodie made up a bed on the floor to sleep next to each other. - So I laid down by them and told them 'the big bad wolf' (3 little pigs) story upon request while Wyatt bounced off the walls and bed (literally). Then Brock starts asking me to tell the "Water, and then then the crocidile and he swallows the *voice lowers and slows* BEN. TEN. watch, Mamma - tell that one." I of course have no clue what he is talking about - but Bodie picks up where Brock left off - "And then I get the watch and turn into an alien" and Brock says, "Ya, w/ 2 arms..." Bodie corrects, "No, 4 arms Brock..."
There were several more scenarios like this, and I just soaked it in. All the craziness fades in those sweet moments.

Jess is in San Diego with all that's happening with the fires. He went to Baja for a little over a week, came home only to go back to work for two days (straight) and then got called out for the fires. So, I have seen him for a total of EIGHT hours in the last 2 weeks, and have been a one-woman show for the rest of it...and who knows how much longer he'll be gone. I have had a really good attitude, and have been really proud of myself at how well we've managed. But now, I am officially starting to loose it... Two weeks must be a breaking point for me. I should take a nap.

I HAD to post this. I just read it on a friends blog, and I've had the same feelings about being a mom. My phrases I think to myself are: 'Put your shoulder to the wheel', and 'forget yourself and go to work'. I recently came to the conclusion that motherhood is an amazing opportunity to serve and love and shape lives - not an endless chore that it can sometimes feel like, and to enjoy EVERY moment because they won't stay little for long (I know, it's always said, but so true.) Hope all you mothers enjoy this thought....

"I've been thinking a lot lately about my attitude as a Mom and I know I need to improve. I want to be really positive and I'm trying to enjoy every moment I have with them. The time goes by so quickly! One of my dear friends from colorado Mary, told me something that has always stuck with me. We were talking about parenting and she said "sometimes you have to get off your butt" I think about that all the time when I'm doing one thing and a child needs something...again. Or when I'm busy and the kids are fighting, or whining about one thing or another, or the classic yell across the yard because I don't want to get up. When I do get off my butt things run so much smoother. They can see me there engaged with them, making eye contact, caring. Anyway, I've learned so much about being a parent. I've learned that sometimes it's so hard that I feel like I can't do it anymore, like I'm not good enough to take care of such amazing and draining kids =). But then the moment, or sometimes the week, or the month passes by and I find myself renewed and ready to enjoy whole heartedly again. I just want to say to all Mom's who have kids and sometimes feel like you're drowning in kidness- I've so been there. I know how important it is to get out, by yourself or with a friend and be YOU again. I can't say that enough, it's not selfish, it's necessary. Even just once every 2 weeks, get out and do something that you love to do. It will make you a better Mom, wife and person. I can already see such a difference in my stress level when I take that time for me. I was just talking to my sister Annette about that. We also talked about how hard it is to have little little kids. She has 2 kids under 2. That really is a 24 hour job. And it's an emotional roller coaster. One minute you feel like you could burst because you have children to attend to constantly, and the next they're both sleeping and you're thinking 'what was my problem, this is easy.' Anyway my point is, it gets better. Maddie is 6 and I can feel the difference, I'm not entertaining all day long, I don't have to dress every child, I no longer have 3 in diapers, and I'm actually sleeping through the night, and the kids don't have to be supervised 24/7. I love it! Heaven. So hang on if you're on the emotional no sleep, nasty diapers, spit up, crying multiple children phase. It's a great time of life and goes so quickly, but it does get a little less stressful =). Amen.
Sorry for the lengthy post...Does anyone else have any thoughts???"